Alright now it's the 2nd week you get to enjoy my exquisite bloggetry. It is like fine wine that will only get better. What lucky readers!
Actually this week I hit a bit of a writer's block. Sophomore slump maybe? I don't know, but I did like anybody else does when they get stumped/bored, I searched the internet and pirated music. One thing led to another and I figured I would try to combine two of my favorite things in this post, hip hop and the Mets. (This is completely unrelated to current Mets happenings because Bilko is more articulate and knowledgeable than me so he can write about that stuff, plus I don't want to depress myself). I will do this by comparing a member of the Mets starting lineup to the "Rap Super Mega Star" I feel he most reminds of. It may be because they look alike, or maybe due to a vague similarity I find. Its my column and that's how I party.
Oh, and when I was looking for music, and thought of this great idea, I remembered these two great articles from many moons ago from two of my favorite sites; the Smoking Section comparing rappers to athletes, and Palms Out Sounds comparing hip hop stars to characters in TV's all time greatest show, The Wire. Attack of the Clones indeed. Sorry to bite a good idea, but I won't plagiarize, I swear! Enough talk, here's my streetwise list for all y'all b-boys & b-girls.
1. Jose R
eyes = Lupe Fiasco
Both have relatively short resumes that have been impressive, but leave the feeling that if they reached their potential and capabilities they would be the undisputed best. Reyes needs to add post season success, and Lupe needs to pick beats that don't sound like cats getting flushed down a toilet. (I don't even know what that would sounds like. His beats are that bad!)
2. Daniel Murphy= Wale
Both these guys have a lot of people excited, and could make something special out of their proper debuts. Murphy is batting between Reyes & Wright, while Wale is said to have production on his debut from Kanye, Just Blaze, 9th Wonder, & even Justice, so there's no good reason for either to disappoint.
3. David Wright = Nas
Might not be more talented a ball player than Wright, or rapper than Nas, but they each have had their share of highly publicized failures. Wright has been (maybe unfairly) placed as the face of the past few seasons' collapses, and Nas has been relying on gimmicks and bland beats on his past several mediocre albums. If Wright gets his ring and Nas releases anything remotely like Ilmatic again, I will blow a fuse and immediately die from happiness overload.
4. Carlos Delgado = Scarface
Highly respected among peers both in the clubhouse and rap industry, and still both way above average in their own right, despite their glory days being behind them. These guys mean business and they get to it. They leave me no room for snarky blog jokes. Moving on...
5. Carlos Beltran = Redman
Consistent. You always know what you're gonna get and it'll be good. Might not be mentioned by everybody as one of the bests in their respective fields (get it? baseball field!) but its because people take them for granted.
6. Ryan Church = Busta Rhymes
They're both great in spots, but over a whole season/album? nah.
Church gets hurt easy and Busta's voice is too grating. This is easily the worst comparison yet, but thanks for reading this far! Stay with me, I'll do better...
7. Brian Schneider = Mims
Why? They're both meh. That's why. (I refuse to link a Mims youtube clip for this one).
8. Luis Castillo = 50 Cent
I'm tired of both of them. Luckily most other people seem to be too, so maybe something can be done about these chumps. That's right, I said it, chumps.
9. Johan Santana = Cam'ron
They both pitch nothing but the hottest piffery to the street/plate. They've always been strong leaders, and will get theirs even when their team doesn't support them. For example, how the Mets decide as a collective to not score runs when Johan is starting, and how ingrates Jim Jones & Juelz Santana left Dipset despite their membership in Cam's crew being the reason why anyone knows or cares about them. They both keep it movin' anyway, with another all star season to come from Johan, and a new Cam album in a month or so, with some leaked tracks that are setting the internets on FIYAH. God bless them.
And God bless us, everyone. See you next week! (I promise future topics will be more broad, I just wanted to listen to some beats tonight, ya dig?)
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