You like the Mets? I friggen' blog 'bout the Mets.
Since we have so much in common, why don’t I share with you some of my very own Mets top 10 lists. I’m straight up copying David Letterman. Except Mets themed. David Metterman. Holy Shit...Metterman.
Can you wrap your little baby mind around that? I barely can and I’m smarter than Oz. Enough awkward intro. Let the lists take a hold of you; mind, body, and soul...I got 3 lists for the 3rd edition. It’s the magic number y'allList the First: Why The Mets Won’t Choke this Year
1. The Mets rule.2. Jerry Manuel hired medics to teach Fernando Tatis the Heimlich maneuver.
3. They might not be in a position to.
4. The charade is over, Johan will reveal he is a cyborg, and he will start every game.
5. I have prayed for angels to help in the outfield, and have written both Tony Danza & Danny Glover to see if they can help too.
6. Because they brought back Sweet Caroline as the sing a long song during the 8th inning. Who can get nervous after that whimsical tune?
7. Saint Daniel Murphy, Patron Saint of Singles
8. Gary Sheffield has Doc Gooden’s champion blood running through his veins.
9. K-Rod is fly as hell. As is Putz. I wish his name was cooler though. I’m gonna call him PZ Top from now on, since he has a sick beard.
10. Because I just don’t have any more tears.
List the Second: How to wear a Mets shirt to Citizens Bank Park and leave with your Testicles
1. Be physically stronger than weak loud mouthed Philadelphians (not hard)2. Be smarter and more cunning than weak loud mouth Philadelphians (even easier)
3. If some classless idiots are yelling and cursing at you, proclaiming your shirt is nothing short of a travesty(!) just keep saying, “There’s kids here you guys, please tone it down!” to make them feel guilty.
4. Take no prisoners.
5. Go for the jugular.
6. Remind them what NY the city has, and what Philadelphia the city has. This reality will cripple them with sadness.
7. Remind them their hero Lenny Dykstra’s only ring is orange and blue. He probably forgets he was a Philly. (If they weren't sad before, they are crying now).
8. Watch this. (I think I linked this last week, but I don't care, the way this guy talks is hilarious to me)
9. Bring a roll of quarters to hold in your punchin’ fist.
10. Just basically don’t be a sissy baby and you’ll be fine.
List the Third: Things already pissing me off BIG TIME with the season only 8% done
1. Our pitchers after Johan need their diapers changed.2. Our hitters get sweaty and nervous like a school boy at his first dance with runners in scoring position.
3. No Mets signs or insignia in a new 800 Million dollar Mets Stadium? Shit is Looney Tunes.
4. Doc Gooden signed a wall. OH THE HUMANITY!!! Let Doctor K sign your face if he wants.
5. I can’t afford tickets. (yo...hence the blog name. daaaaaamn. that's the circle of blog life)
6. David Wright is whiffing at the plate more than curious noses whiff at a bakery. That was terrible.
7. The LA Dodgers probably have less Dodger memorabilia than we do in the stadium. I don’t know for sure, (see number 5) but that’s what I heard.
8. The Marlins are off to a swimmingly fast start. (I don’t blame you if you stop reading now).
9. The Mets are 6-7 at the time of this post.
10. I won’t be able to afford tickets until I rob you. That’s right. You the reader. Sleep tight.
Posts
stumble it!