Now, they’ve been on a roll all things considered in the month of May, but the L’s they have caught, have come with such pathetic originality, you never know how they will be defeated. Will it be base running? Errors? Miscommunication? Laziness? Terrible managerial decisions? Yes to all so far. This blog will focus on ways I anticipate the Mets to lose. They have found the rarest ways so far, because as a team they’re more unpredictable than my BMs (didn’t see that one coming did you?) but let us ponder the possibilities anyway friends…1. They forget their gloves and have to forfeit.
2. David Wright forgets there’s a game and goes on a date with Alyssa Milano, and due to this Daniel Murphy is forced to play 3rd base. Despite this being his natural position, the Nationals bunt to 3rd every time and win by a convincing 41 runs.
3. Mike Pelfrey’s tongue falls out early in the game due to excessive hand licking. (Seriously though, does he have to lick his whole hand ALL THE TIME. Yuck bro.)
4. Jerry Manuel reaches his boiling point, and runs in to right field to spear Ryan Church.
5. Jerry Manuel reaches his boiling point, and runs behind the plate to spear Ramon Castro.
6. Johan Santana is in the 8th inning trailing in a 1-0 game and finally, understandably, snaps. He starts to bean every Met in sight, screaming in Spanish a flurry of curse words and demands for run support.
7. Jose Reyes runs so fast he gains flight and we never see him again.
8. K-Rod throws a pitch so violent his arm falls off his body.
9. Carlos Beltran lets his sliding ambivalence seep in to the other facets of his game, to the point he doesn’t even slap his teammate’s butt after a good play.
10. JJ Putz shaves his beard, it’s like Samson’s hair but more fashionable...oh wait he did that already.
The good news is this list is far fetched, (except 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, & 10) so these things probably won’t happen. The bad news is even crazier shit definitely will. This is the Mets we’re talkin’ about here.
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