HALLADAY! CELEBRATE! IT WOULD BE SO NICE!

(Author's Note: Please don't think I wrote this to upstage the well thought out, beautifully written article with the exact opposite opinion below this. I wrote it without ever having seen that, and don't have time to change it. My tone and general baffoonery may make it hard to believe, but its true. Mets fans disagree, as do super bloggers. There's room for us all though on the internet though. Please enjoy both perspectives. God Bless).

Man I hate Madonna, but when she’s right, she’s right! It would be really nice to get Roy-Doc Halladay. I’m sure you all heard the rumor that the Blue Jays offered us Doc Halladay for Parnell, F-Mart, Nietzsche, and Ruben Tejada, Oh you didn’t hear that? Well, the Blue Jays offered us Doc Halladay for Parnell, F-Mart, Niese, and Ruben Tejada.

Now, If the Mets were to get Halladay, they’d have the most slamminest 1-2 combo is baseball history between him and Bro-man Santana. Tales of their constant back to back perfect games would quickly become part of American Folklore. George Lucas would digitally put them in all the Star Wars movies and release the DVDs again, and that franchise would finally reach its potential. Basically they’d straight up OWN. So for the Mets to reach their potential as a franchise, they must pull the trigga man! PULL IT! They’d be so sweet. But not now, next year. The Mets and their travelling Short Bus Circus are so terrible this year, adding Dr. Halladay Attorney at Ball wouldn’t even make a diff. Not the slightest diff!

But let’s look ahead to next year, the future! The future is a scary place, especially without Roy Halladay. Let’s think…Would you rather have the four chumps rumored to have been asked for by the blue jay wussy birds, or would you rather have Professor Pitches? (editors Note: Trademark Pending on the phrase Professor Pitches). Lets break it down with surgeon like precision that would make Buster Olney second-guess his whole existence.

Jonathan Quiche- Chump

Ruben Tejada- Chump

Fernando Martinez- Injured Chump

Bobby Parnell- Pretty Sweet Dude, Badass Potential

No wonder I’m a writer. Concise. Accurate. Handsome. But let me explain my thoughts anyway cause I’m bored. Jonathan Niese will never even be better than Mike Pelfrey. Pelfrey is basically a chump himself. Who needs 2 chumps? I certainly don't. Ruben Tejada is a SS. Now, there is a possibility Jose Reyes’ leg has fallen completely off, (as the Mets have hired a bunch of Dr. Nicks to take care of a 150+ milli payroll) but if his leg is stil attached, it could heal! Then, you have a SS! A sick one! Problem solved! Peace Rueben! Exclamation points!

Fernando can also heal, so while my Injured Chump description is acutely accurate, it is not fair. He’s young and he may end up being a balla balla, but as of now? Not at all a balla. He’s more likely to be Alex Escobar than Manny Ramirez, and probably even more likely to be some after thought like Nyjer Morgan. Fuhgetaboutit! And Parnell throws lavaheatrocks. I’ll give you that you internet swine! But come on. SRSLY? Come on. Its Dr. Roy Halladay, Ears Nose & Strikes Specialist. You gotta give to get in this world, and you gotta give a little back in trades that next year would make you the clear favorite to take advantage of all opponents in the butt. At least every 2 out of 5 games.