random thoughts on The Amazin' Metropolitans through this young season.Please Note: I will say whatever I want because it’s Hump Day and I am the boss.
Johan Santana. One word to describe him? SPECTACULAR! YES!
Now more words…
Johan is a bad, bad man. No doubt in my mind he created swine flu just to watch it wreak havoc on the pathetic human nervous system, only to soon cure it because Omar plans on installing human emotions in his robo-brain.
(All that gibberish simply meant, thank God that guy is a Met, he’s carrying them. Nobody messes with the Johan. YES!)
Carlos Beltran- How do I complain about a guy hitting 400? Well, now every time he’s about to slide, I picture him seeing the dirt on his jersey and going, “Yuck!” He just doesn’t like getting dirty when I need him to. Ha. (no homo)
David Wright- Can we reuse the Dr. K nickname for him? I know he’ll get goin', and could turn the corner for good any game now, but stop striking out so much. F’real. If this continues past April, dare I say, David Wrong?
…..No, I just like plays on words. He’s great. He’ll be great. This column is going great too!
Starting Pitchers 2-5- I am not amused. Good starts here and there don’t make up for the hurt you’ve caused me. I’m keeping my keen cynical peepers on all of you until you restore my confidence fully.
K-Rod- I like you man. Keep it up. Just don’t make me angry. I have the skulls of Armando Benitez & Braden Looper on a necklace with puka shells. Relay this message to the rest of the bullpen, especially Putz. I'm weary of anyone with a big red beard.
The rest of my thoughts on the Mets are so complex only Peter Gammons, the father of Sabermetrics Bill James, and Jesus of Nazareth could comprehend them. So, instead, I will abruptly end my column……….now
(PS- Coming next week...The Mets Fan Hall of Fame. It will be longer and funnier than this week, if that is physically possible).
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