These seem to be the only two things on my mind. "Oh crap the Mets stink. Somehow Fred Wilpon is gonna go on the DL." Then, "Oh double crap MJ died. Will love still even exist?" That line of thought just keeps repeating. Its the circle of strife. "OH!" -Dice Clay.
So I figured, why not combine these morbid topics that have been consuming my brain for my weekly snoozefest known as Hump Day with Mets Mike? That's when the lightbulb above my head started to dimly flicker, and I said, good enough Mike, good enough. Here goes, What If the (crappy ass) Mets each were a different MJ song? Which song would they be?! I don't know. But I guessed...
(Oh, and I'm gonna dip in to the DL for this one. No damn way I'm writing about Argenis Reyes.)
1. Jose Reyes- Smooth Criminal
He steals bases y'all. EASY ONE.
2. Luis Castillo- Beat It
PLEASE DO LUIS, PLEASE DO.
3. Carlos Delgado- Gone Too Soon
He got hurt real early and it made me cry.
4. David Wright- You Can't Win
"He always chokes! He strikes out too much! Where the homeruns at bro? You gotta carry this team of little leaguers! " This guy leads the NL in hitting but he can't win.
5. Daniel Murphy- Dirty Diana
Diana/Daniel. Similar names. Plus I wanted to watch the Dirty Diana youtube. HOME RUN!
6. Carlos Beltran- Dangerous
A 5 tool all star baby boo. ain't nuttin on God's green earth mo' dangerous than dat! Plus if he moves too much his knee is in danger of needing surgery. Ouch!
7- Johan Santana- Heal the World
Just like how MJ couldn't heal the world despite his best efforts, Johan cannot heal the Mets no matter what he does either. In summation, my analogy is Michael Jackson's beautiful singing and vast philanthropic efforts is to the f*cked up world, as Johan Santana's super skills and badass changeup are to the craptacular Mets.
***Honorable Mention- What More Can I Give
8. Ryan Church- They Don't Care About Us
They= Jerry "Drew Carey Glasses" Manuel, Us= Ryan "What the f*ck did I do to you 4-Eyes?" Church
9. K-Rod- Wanna Be Startin Something
Almost beat up that idiot loudmouth Yankee, and always brings the high energy theatrics, as if he is daring the opposition, "Do you guys want to be starting something? because if so I'll just strike you out and pump my fists a bunch."
10. Jerry Manuel- Bad
I don't like him. I think he's a bad manager. He's bad. He's bad. He knows it.
Even if you didn't like this entry, just enjoy the MJ youtubes and witness some greatness during your downtime when not watching the Mets fall down en route to fly balls. (god damnit Fernando)
Anyway.... R.I.P. Michael.
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