Welcome back to me, the best there ever was! Sorry for the hiatus. I was hiking the Andes. Actually, I just lied right to your face. In reality I kind of ran out of ideas. Luckily, I discussed my writers block at work with my esteemed colleagues at my place of bidniss, and they have volunteered to help me out. How kind! But no, how annoying. They’re fans of the wrong idiot teams, (The Atlantas Chumps & The Philadelphia D-Bags) yet they still want shine on Bilko’s glorious Mets Blog? Good thing I’m out of ideas, because I’m giving them a shot, in a roundtable discussion about the National League East. (Editor’s note: This may be more shit-talking than actual analysis).
Let’s Start with Lauren’s take on things from Philthy Philadelphia (see what I did there?)
Ha The Mets Are a Joke
Mets Fans can say whatever they want about the Phillies, but the current World Series Champions aren’t worried about what anyone else has to say. Really though, what can Mets fans even say? Obviously, the only thing they can use against Philadelphia is the pitching, but Phillies fans are aware of their current pitching status. What I would like to know is what do the Mets have? Other than Santana, the Mets have no solid pitching and are absolutely terrible in the field. Add the fact that the Mets are choke artists, this season will be no different for them in the end. The Mets or any other team for that matter, don’t stand a chance against Philadelphia. Philly continues to lead the NL East due to their remarkable line up. Think about it, Ibanez, Rollins, Victorino, Howard, Utley, Werth, Feliz and Ruiz. Any team that that wants to come close to defeating the Phillies have to score at least 4 or 5 runs and obviously the Mets can’t even come close. I’d just like to wish good luck to the Mets this season and also to their fans. Please don’t be devastated when your team lets you down just like every other year. You might as well just cheer on the Phillies. I promise you the Phillies will win another Championship because clearly the curse of William Penn is over.
Oh my. That was crazy venomous.
REBUTTAL: I apologize to all my fellow good natured Metropolitan fans who had to read that hurtful passage. All I can say to my peaceful readers is, last year was last year. What else do you remember from last year? Do you even care what happened? I don’t. Straight up…who cares? I can’t name one current event that happened, or even remember what I got for Christmas. Point is, shove your rings up your collective butts Philadelphia, I don’t even care none.
Alright, at least we got the one team with anything on us out of the way, let’s get to Dan and the Atlanta Lames perspective.
Why the Mets are worse than the Braves this year :3 simple categories: Pitching, Defense, and Hitting (yes hitting)
Pitching
Let me name the Mets pitchers who can be relied on for a quality start. The list starts with Johan and ends with Santana. The Braves on the other hand have so much pitching their dropping future hall of famers like sacks of 78mph throwing potatoes. And Hanson, my God Tommy Hanson the Mets will soon feel his wrath.
Defense
looking equally out of place. While the Braves left field is equally in flux you can always rely on the arm of Jeff “Your left field looks more like an episode of the 3 Stooges with Murphy, Sheffield and TatisFrenchy” Francoeur to scare the opposition into sac fly impotence every time they a send a ball to right with a runner in scoring position.
Hitting
You guys may have had the edge until about, oh a about a week ago when a guy who no one even knew was on the block became a Bravo. Not to mention that barely anyone in the Mets lineup can hit it out of Citi Field, well maybe until Chipper shows up to give lessons, hell even his little boy Shea has more pop than your squad.
In closing OHHH OHHH OHHH (Braves tomahawk chop chant).
REBUTTAL: The Braves are a racist organization, both Chipper & Larry are names better suited for pets, and Tommy Hanson looks inbred.
Best of the Rest of the Division, brought to you by Richard
The Natinals (Hey if they can’t check their jersey before they go out there playing in front of an empty stadium then I’m not going to call them by their actual name.) So let’s face it. Their season is DUNN! (Editor's note- waamp waaaamp) The signing of Adam Dunn brings them a great one two punch with him and Ryan Zimmerman. Unfortunately it ends right there since Nick Johnson will be out in a week once the Mets realize they can’t even muscle a home run at the new Yankee Stadium. So there is no reason to believe the Nat’s will make any noise in the division this year unless they get ripped for fining Dukes again for doing charitable work with the little league team or when they over pay for a kid who throws 103 mph and will probably hear the words Tommy John in the next year.
1997, 2003, 2009? Yup it’s the Marlins time to shine. Every six years the Florida Marlins are able to get the right prospects together to make a push to become world champions again. In the past 30 years the Marlins have won the World Series more often than the Mets, Braves, and Phillies. Who each have only won it once since I was born. Those are three proud franchises that don’t produce the end results better than a team who trades away their best players after every championship. Just ask the Yanks. You cannot buy a championship. It is about having the right core of players fit into their roles and show up to play every day. The Marlins are about pride and heart when they step onto the field. The N.L. East just better hope the Marlins don’t keep to the pattern. Although if the Marlins do win, does it still count if no one is at the games to see it?
So, while the N.L. East beat up on each other this year, it won’t really matter since they Yankees will destroy the class of the National League.
REBUTTAL: Forget everything that kid wrote, his favorite actor is Matt LeBlanc.
All I got from this collaborative blog experiment is that my coworkers are all jerks. I quit!
Editor's Note: It's hump day folks so I assume you'll need a reminder - don't forget about our viewing party at Local 269 this Friday June 12th @ 7:00pm - Mets v.s. Yankees! 269 East Houston Street (corner of Suffolk) - Drink specials, Mets fans, and good times!
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